Why do we like Bad Boys?
The bad
boys. You know the type: tattoos and piercings, a certain air of superiority or
anti-social tendencies, a motorcycle, or a general apathy toward you. They are
broken and dangerous; and, somehow, we can't help but want them.
It turns
out that pining for the bad boys, however unavailable they may be, has deeper
roots than merely a dark sex appeal. Read further to get to the bottom of our
obsession with the mysterious and the brooding.
Who is He?
Bad boys can come in many shapes and sizes, and they don't all have the same
personalities or the same appeals. The general types:
The Elusive Bad Boy
This boy is a forbidden fruit. He barely knows you exist and doesn't make an
appearance in your social scene. With an exciting life you know nothing about
and a rough-around-the-edges look, this bad boy is intriguing, although
unavailable to you. You want to break the rules to know him.
The Guarded Bad Boy
The guarded bad boy is more withdrawn than merely elusive. A mysterious guy,
he's picky about who he associates with, and you probably aren't one of the
lucky few. He might be moody or allergic to smiling, but the unknown is
intoxicating.
The Non-Committal Bad Boy
An eternal bachelor, this guy doesn't want to settle down anytime soon -- if
ever. He wants to play the field and live his own life, and you probably won't
be a constant in it.
The Fixer-Upper Bad Boy
This bad boy is apathetic toward a number of issues. He is damaged goods,
probably with issues haunting him from his past that are inhibiting his future.
His main concern is having a good time, and he takes pride in doing whatever
the heck he wants. He has a lot of work to do before he would be suitable for a
long-term relationship.
Why Do We Do It?
We know these guys are bad news and have great potential to break our
hearts, so why do we chase after them with the intent to win their affection?
Aside from the excitement of something different and the thrill of the chase,
our reasons for wanting them may stem from deeper desires or experiences.
Women have an inherent desire to nurture. Part of our role in humanity is to
take care of others (to an extent), so we are often gratified when we feel we
have done our job. If we can affect change in someone or earn some sort of
dependence, this makes us feel needed. This is one reason women are attracted
to bad boys, boys they think they can change, and if they do, will feel a sense
of accomplishment and reward.
A common justification for going after the bad boys is "daddy
issues." While the title is sad and somewhat insulting, the concept holds
true. Dr. Thomas Miller, a health and behavioural psychologist, told that women
who have experienced verbal, emotional or physical abuse from males during
their childhood or adolescent years can form a distorted perception of
relationships. It's a cycle, not that women will necessarily go after violent
men (and I'm not saying most bad boys are violent, don't get me wrong), but it
is not uncommon for them to subconsciously look for relationships that are
either unattainable or unfulfilling because that is what they have been
conditioned for.
Not every woman wants to tame a man and settle down. Some women go after bad
boys because they themselves are afraid of deep emotions and commitment,
according to Peter Jonason, a researcher at New Mexico State University. They
know that these bad boys won't push for a relationship, so they, too, can avoid
the idea.
Does it ever Work Out?
Sure, there are girls who have been successful in transforming their bad
boys or at least softening them up; but Dr. Miller warns that not all bad boys
can be saved. I wonder if even most of them can be, at least not without
sacrificing your own emotional and psychological well-being. Trying to change
someone is a difficult and trying task, and the negative effect it has on you
can actually be more significant than the positive effect you are able to make
on the man. I think that while a woman can be the push a man needs to get his
act together, the change has to come from his own personal desire to alter the
course of his life and his relationships.
The desire to tame the beast seems to be a pattern among the young.
Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher told that younger women are more experimental
and less experienced, giving them the audacity to chase the bad boys and
possibly blinding them to the difficulty of such a male. They also may not have
the capacity to identify a bad boy as actually being harmful or connect the
dots that chasing him will probably end badly. As women get older, they tend to
learn from mistakes and realize that bad boys aren't worth the trouble.
What do you think? Have you changed a bad boy? Do you think we all just need
to grow up?
It's my world..
Meera Cagathi
