Why do we like Bad Boys?

Why do we like Bad Boys?

The bad boys. You know the type: tattoos and piercings, a certain air of superiority or anti-social tendencies, a motorcycle, or a general apathy toward you. They are broken and dangerous; and, somehow, we can't help but want them.

It turns out that pining for the bad boys, however unavailable they may be, has deeper roots than merely a dark sex appeal. Read further to get to the bottom of our obsession with the mysterious and the brooding.

Who is He?

Bad boys can come in many shapes and sizes, and they don't all have the same personalities or the same appeals. The general types:
The Elusive Bad Boy
This boy is a forbidden fruit. He barely knows you exist and doesn't make an appearance in your social scene. With an exciting life you know nothing about and a rough-around-the-edges look, this bad boy is intriguing, although unavailable to you. You want to break the rules to know him.
The Guarded Bad Boy
The guarded bad boy is more withdrawn than merely elusive. A mysterious guy, he's picky about who he associates with, and you probably aren't one of the lucky few. He might be moody or allergic to smiling, but the unknown is intoxicating.
The Non-Committal Bad Boy
An eternal bachelor, this guy doesn't want to settle down anytime soon -- if ever. He wants to play the field and live his own life, and you probably won't be a constant in it.
The Fixer-Upper Bad Boy
This bad boy is apathetic toward a number of issues. He is damaged goods, probably with issues haunting him from his past that are inhibiting his future. His main concern is having a good time, and he takes pride in doing whatever the heck he wants. He has a lot of work to do before he would be suitable for a long-term relationship.

Why Do We Do It?

We know these guys are bad news and have great potential to break our hearts, so why do we chase after them with the intent to win their affection? Aside from the excitement of something different and the thrill of the chase, our reasons for wanting them may stem from deeper desires or experiences.
Women have an inherent desire to nurture. Part of our role in humanity is to take care of others (to an extent), so we are often gratified when we feel we have done our job. If we can affect change in someone or earn some sort of dependence, this makes us feel needed. This is one reason women are attracted to bad boys, boys they think they can change, and if they do, will feel a sense of accomplishment and reward.
A common justification for going after the bad boys is "daddy issues." While the title is sad and somewhat insulting, the concept holds true. Dr. Thomas Miller, a health and behavioural psychologist, told that women who have experienced verbal, emotional or physical abuse from males during their childhood or adolescent years can form a distorted perception of relationships. It's a cycle, not that women will necessarily go after violent men (and I'm not saying most bad boys are violent, don't get me wrong), but it is not uncommon for them to subconsciously look for relationships that are either unattainable or unfulfilling because that is what they have been conditioned for.
Not every woman wants to tame a man and settle down. Some women go after bad boys because they themselves are afraid of deep emotions and commitment, according to Peter Jonason, a researcher at New Mexico State University. They know that these bad boys won't push for a relationship, so they, too, can avoid the idea.

Does it ever Work Out?

Sure, there are girls who have been successful in transforming their bad boys or at least softening them up; but Dr. Miller warns that not all bad boys can be saved. I wonder if even most of them can be, at least not without sacrificing your own emotional and psychological well-being. Trying to change someone is a difficult and trying task, and the negative effect it has on you can actually be more significant than the positive effect you are able to make on the man. I think that while a woman can be the push a man needs to get his act together, the change has to come from his own personal desire to alter the course of his life and his relationships.
The desire to tame the beast seems to be a pattern among the young. Anthropologist Dr. Helen Fisher told that younger women are more experimental and less experienced, giving them the audacity to chase the bad boys and possibly blinding them to the difficulty of such a male. They also may not have the capacity to identify a bad boy as actually being harmful or connect the dots that chasing him will probably end badly. As women get older, they tend to learn from mistakes and realize that bad boys aren't worth the trouble.
What do you think? Have you changed a bad boy? Do you think we all just need to grow up?

It's my world..
Meera Cagathi

Computer back with a bang

Hi friends,

After a really long time I'm back.. Thanks to my job.. Finally I quit it.. Almost a month. Time flies truly. Took a break and studying like a good student now. This decision was really not so easier. As usual I was lost. Thanks to my new friend, who helped me through out this phase. Only he could understand what I was trying to say.

A week into college feels like alien. First 3 days couldn't even live up to my name given by my favorite lecturer during engineering. I was called the COMPUTER because my sir thought  could solve any problem faster than any calculator with high accuracy. lol :D  Miss those days.

From today Computer is back with a bang. Processing speed has increased and so is the accuracy. Me happy happy..

Will write soon

It's my world.
Sukrutha/ Meera

The Top Five Regrets of the Dying

I was going through an article by Paulo Coelho and I just had to bring it down here. Based on this article, a full length book titled The Top Five Regrets of the Dying - A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing has been released.


So here goes.......


"For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. 

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. 

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. 


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. 

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. 


Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness."

It's my world.
Sukrutha C R

A strong lady who taught me to be strong

It was third semester of my engineering. The very first day. I met this lady. My lecturer. I always thought she hated me. Most of the times I was targetted in class. There was a day where I had even thought she hates women, because she used to target me, even when there are 70+ weird guys.

I have always had a love hate relationship with this lady. But there was something in her which used to inspire me to be like her. May be her "I don't care attitude", or may be her "I'm the best, I know it all attitude". I just loved that about her. She was one of the very strong women I have ever met.  I have learnt to be strong from her. Now whenever someone come up to me and appreciate my strong attitude, I know it, it came from her. Her wise advices were the best. She was lucky mascot for  most of the students. She had a very rare combination of beauty with brains. I aspired to be live like her. She was my inspiration.

I had told this to her many times. Even when I met her alive the last time. It was 11th Feb 2012. She left us all forever yesterday. I'll miss you ma'm. You are going to stay in my heart forever. May your soul Rest in peace.

It's my world.

What do women need? Equality?

Blogging after really long time but on a really serious issue. To clarify, I'm not a feminist nor women rights activist.


A lot of us interested in issues of gender and feminism know that in theory, there are various schools of thought on feminism. First wave, new age, radical, classic….you name it, we have it! However, for those looking from a distance, the word “feminism” automatically refers to “demand for equality”.


A few day ago, over a conversation with a friend, the issue of women leaving the workforce to have children came up. He was cribbing about women asking for equality on all quarters and then also demanding flexibility as being unfair. The gist of his argument being, on one hand women want to be equal to men, and on the other hand, still use the “woman” card as per convenience.

The use of words like “equality” and “unfair” in the same sentence immediately led me to think about feminism and among the varied schools of thought, the use of language, and what is it that women are asking for? What do we mean when we say we want equality?

I cannot help but think that a lot of feminist arguments are either misguided, claiming to desire equality for women in situations where we would actually prefer equity, or misunderstood as demanding equality when we are, in fact, demanding equity.

I’ll take an example of the average dinner table. Parents and children, getting exactly the same amount of food would denote equality. But is that what happens? In practical terms, they should and will get portions according to their needs, age and appetite. This is where equity comes in. Equality denotes that everyone is at the same level, gets exactly the same share while equity represents fairness or what is referred to as equality of outcomes. Equality is mostly about quantity, whereas equity is always about quality.

So logically, we aren’t asking to be treated exactly like men, right? And why would we want to be treated as men in the first place? We are not men. Ignoring that would be ignoring plain facts and well, biology. Demanding recognition as mothers or homemakers, for instance, comes with a fundamental expectation of not being treated exactly the same way as a man would. However, we demand equity in how the world treats us, asking to be given the same rights as men have as human beings. And let me hasten to add, asking to look at our needs as women should not automatically mean being treated as less serious or less important.

And so I ask you to think about it. Especially in the Indian context, the way our society is structured and functions, what really are we, as women demanding? We are taking on more and more responsibility with passing years, and asking for respect for doing multiple jobs and doing them well. We are asking for what is fair and what is justified. It is equity that is desirable, not sameness.

Sukrutha
It's my world.

You may call it ego, I call it respect..

Is it important to maintain relationship even though you aren’t respected..? Here relationship can be a friendship, or love, or even parents and sibs. I have seen few of them who go to any extent to maintain a relationship and there are people like me who cut off with anything if I feel I’m not respected enough. My mum feels I’m being silly. She is divine soul on this earth, who treats people very well no matter what they do to her. Same case with my dad & sis. I'm the only eccentric person in my house who give a damn to anything or anyone. I know I love myself a lot more than anyone else on this earth. Past 10 days I have cut off with 3 of my very good friends ( I don't really need to call them that way even though it was friendship of years together). Out of which one was my best friend whom I have met only once in my whole life, but have shared my thoughts which no one else can know on this earth. Shit happens. It was bad clash of ego. Lol :D But I don’t regret about it. Other one just took me for granted which again I couldn’t bear to be treated that way. No matter what they are to me, I can’t let anyone disrespect me. And third one was stupid fellow without common sense, sweet cum irritating. As a Capricorn girl I’m iced and I don’t want to change it. When I have my fans for what I’m and the way I’m, when I have seen young girls and boys who aspire to be like me, why should I change myself? I may be wrong or right but I want to keep it this way..

 Sukrutha
It's my world.

MISSION AUGUST ENDED

It's quite tough to get rid of things, especially when you are used to it (just like corruption). I'm glad. You know what, I got rid of few things which I always wanted to do. It's just like emptying your closet, throwing away everything which is useless and not important. I threw away all those stuffs which were just rotting over there. It wasn't easy. In the process even few good ones with pungent smell has been thrown out and I know that ( I don't have time to wash it or cleanse it, you see). It is not my first time. I have done this every time at the beginning of the new chapter. It is just my part.


It's my world
Sukrutha